Episode #290 Enduring It Well

Enduring is one of the most misunderstood words in the scriptural cannon.  To endure well means so much more than what is on the surface.  And yet when understood brings a peace that few can achieve. 

Transcript

Welcome to episode #108 Enduring it Well. First of all, I have to say that this was not the chosen topic for this week.  My intent was to discuss the increased difficulties that come with the holidays.  However, sometimes what I think important in the moment the Lord at times does not agree.  And so today we are going to talk a little about one of my favorite books and by far my favorite author.  The book is entitled similar to this episode, If Thou Endure It Well, and its author is Brother Neal Maxwell.  For those that don’t know he was an apostle earlier in my life and as far as I am concerned one of the best authors of the church if not the best, although I doubt his modest ego would even consider it.

This book came to me during one of the more difficult parts of my life.  For those who have been listening to many of the podcasts, you are likely to know that I have suffered though a difficult set of autoimmune illnesses.  Over the last twelve years, I have been blessed to work through two severe autoimmune problems, psoriatic arthritis and a non-descript autoimmune illness.  Psoriatic arthritis can be one of the most difficult form of arthritis, although I am certain not diminishing the other types.  Mine was particularly severe attacking all my major joints and leaving me very limited as far as physical activity.  In addition, the non-descript autoimmune, meaning you have the symptoms but we can’t classify the type of disease attacked my muscles and was as severe as the psoriatic arthritis. The combination of the two was devastating to my body, mind, and physical energy and left me with sufficient levels of pain that without medication I was very limited physically.  With the physical limitations and severe pain came the depression and lack of desire.  To understand a little of the severity, if I exercised moderately for an hour, I wouldn’t be able to function for a week, spending at least 18 hours sleeping or resting my body.  Needless to say my life didn’t feel much like one worth living for the last decade.

I came in contact with Bro Maxwell’s book about 5-6 years into this illness about the time that hope was really starting to fade that I would ever be healed or even have any type of remission.  The title caught me by surprise.  One because I had never really pondered what it meant to endure when you are facing very difficult circumstances.  And two because of one word in the title, the word well.  Enduring when you are facing difficult circumstances such as mental illness or physical illness and mental illness already seems a mountain too high to climb and then to add the word well makes the trail to the top that much steeper.  Because of my illness and the mental illness that ensued I read this book several times.  As much as I didn’t want to hear the words endure or well, I wanted to understand what it meant.  Didn’t know if I could accomplish it but I had read several of Bro. Maxwells books and had found great insights into the gospel.  So I embarked on what would be a very personal journey for me. 

I hope today to share a portion of those insights.  Before we get started and before you become overwhelmed by the very thought of endurance and then endurance with a “well” clause.  I want to express that this episode is not intended to drag you down further with another “thing to do” weight upon your shoulders.  As much as what I have said might seem daunting, today’s episode should really bring forth greater hope rather than a significant burden.  Because enduring life’s trials was never meant to be traveled alone.  Even though endurance and the “well” clause are individual, there should be nothing about the trail of endurance that indicates we have to walk it alone.  The message of the gospel has always been the same, “Take me yoke upon you for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

So let’s start with what “enduring it well” really means.  The verbiage comes from the Doctrine and Covenants when the Lord is speaking to Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail.  This was no doubt one of the lowest points of his life.  Having suffered terrible conditions in a dirty dungeon cellar, while the saints were being driven from Missouri, Joseph cried out to the Lord, Where art thou? And where is the pavilion of thy hiding place?  I have always loved those words and have wondered the very same thing as Joseph many times in my own life.  While the Lord understood Joseph’s suffering and the suffering of his wife, children and the saints, there was no “I’m sorry you have to pass through all of this” from the Lord.  He gently reminded Joseph that all these things would be for his good and that he needed to endure it well and most of all that the Lord was not hiding or watching from afar.  The Lord was watching over his saints very closely and that there was purpose and design in his personal afflictions and the persecution of the saints.  

Bro Maxwell gives some definition to endure it well early in his book.  Here is how he explained it. “to endure means not only to last but also to bear up under stress, to “hold fast” even “valiantly,” while maintaining the correct course set by god.”  He then goes onto explain the “well” clause of the endurance contract.  He states the following, “The word well in this instance means performing with ‘grace under pressure’ while being of good cheer, including coping with indignities and afflictions, as did Job, without “charging God foolishly.”  The entire endurance contract with the Lord was then explained by Maxwell as this, “the combined words connote unwearying persistence in discipleship, in fact, a “pressing forward” with “a perfect brightness of hope” and I will add “despite a world around you laden with sins and doubt.

To me that felt very daunting when I first read it and in some ways the definition for me lacked a more concrete example.  What did it all mean?  Was I simply to do my best to ignore my problems and then attempt somehow press forward with life?  At first that definition was troubling and something that I didn’t think I could accomplish.  I almost felt as though it was saying to me, you are not working hard enough or even that I may not have sufficient faith.  However, I did come upon a couple of ideas as I attempted to understand what it meant to my illness and to my faith.  One appeared in the very same book and another in the scriptures that brought the meaning down to earth.  The first idea or expanded expression comes from the same book and author.  No doubt you might have heard these words once or twice in your life.  Here is the expanded version from Bro. Maxwell.

“Some defining and refining moments do seem to come upon us suddenly.  Yet even what may seem to be sudden trials or defining moments may have been building in quiet crescendo for a long time.  In any case there is no quick fix and no easy, mortal equivalent of the speedy microwave oven.  Even if there were, would we be willing to trade the higher speed for the higher heat?  The fiery trials are warm enough as it is.  Besides, refining occurs gradually “in the process of time.”

“It follows, then, that you and I cannot really expect to glide through life, coolly air-conditioned, while naively petitioning, ‘Lord, give me experience but not grief, a deeper appreciation of happiness but not deeper sorrow, joy in comfort but not in pain, more capacity to overcome but not more opposition; and please do not let me every feel perplexed while on thine errand.  Then let me come quickly and dwell with thee and fully share thy joy.”

This is likely not real news to you that mental illness, physical illness has a purpose and design and allows for growth and development necessary for celestial refinement and life.  Even with the understanding that “all these things will be for your good,” in the moments of greatest despair that is not what we really want to hear.  In the moment of suffering, we tend not to see the value of it.  And that is ok.  There is nothing in the endurance contract that says you must see the value of your trials every moment of every day and you cannot or should not ask for relief.  In point of fact, quite the opposite is true.  We are more likely to see growth after it has happened not traveling in the valley of the shadow of death and petitioning the Lord for relief is what he has asked us to do.  He has told us to “ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened.”  The key to enduring it well is to accept the Lord’s answer even if it means greater suffering.  There also is no requirement in the contract that we must be excited and happy about our difficulties and walk around as if nothing is wrong in our lives.  I learned this from the Book of Mormon.  In Chapter 17 of 1st Nephi, we find the two families settled in Bountiful.  From this chapter, and by the way I really like this chapter when I discuss endurance, we find two types of endurance actually defined quite clearly.  We have a Nephi version and a Laman/Lemuel version.  It is important to note that Nephi wrote this after her had experienced the 8 year trial in the wilderness and after he had been commanded to build a ship after living for a time in Bountiful.  Here is Nephi’s version of endurance in verses 1-3.

“And it came to pass that we did again take our journey in the wilderness; and we did travel nearly eastward from that time forth. And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness.  And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.  And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.”

Now here is the same enduring experience but from the Laman/Lemuel point of view.  This is in verses 20-21 right after they found out Nephi was going to build a ship and they understood that Bountiful would not be their final destination.

“And thou art like unto our father, led away by the foolish imaginations of his heart; yea, he hath led us out of the land of Jerusalem, and we have wandered in the wilderness for these many years; and our women have toiled, being big with child; and they have borne children in the wilderness and suffered all things save it were death; and it would have been better that they had died before they came out of Jerusalem than to have suffered these afflictions.  Behold, these many years we have suffered in the wilderness, which time we might have enjoyed our possessions and the land of our inheritance; yea, and we might have been happy.”

I love these verses for their clarity in defining what it means to endure it well.  These three adult men experienced the exact same journey, trials and afflictions.  But how they view it is remarkably different.  Both mention their wives and the struggles of the journey and we also know a little about some of the problems they face with hunger, fatigue, and death in earlier chapters.  Both noted the trials.  Nephi mentions wading through affliction and so do Laman and Lemuel.  What is interesting is the response to them.  Nephi mentions that the Lord blessed them so much that the began to bear their journeyings without murmuring.  Laman and Lemuel’s whole speech was a murmur about the afflictions.

We see then that one of the differences in enduring is learning to do so without murmurings.  Nephi did say that they began to bear their journey without murmur.  Learning to accept the yoke of the Lord without complaint is one clear indicator that we are enduring it well.  This takes time and that is also just fine as long as we are working towards it.  Nephi even explains that they had to learn it.

The second thing we note from Nephi about enduring it well is that he is able to recognize the hand of the Lord in not only providing the afflictions but also providing the needed help.  The second real difference is that while we suffer, or perhaps better said after difficult moments we can see the hand of the Lord.

The final thing we note about Nephi’s enduring it well is that he attributes the Lord’s help to obedience to commandments even when he really didn’t understand the destination.  One of the difficulties the two families had to endure was to not fully understand, the duration of their journeyings or even the destination, except some far-off promised land.  It does not take 8 years to cross the Saini Peninsula.  And so we see that learning through afflictions takes time and it must occur during various phases of our lives to be fully effective.  Our own personal destination is in itself somewhat vague and like that journey.  Certainly eternal life will be a wonderful place and experience but it can seem difficult to see from our distant mortal perspective. And when you are in the middle of the desert, pelted with heat, wind, fatigue, pain and in crisis, eternal life can be very difficult to imagine.

Laman and Lemuel noted the same exact trials as Nephi but could only reminisce on past days of carefree life in Jerusalem, complaining that death was better than their trials and that had served no real purpose other than to remove the joy brought by the wealth they once possessed. For them endurance and suffering had provided no benefit as Nephi puts it, “they did not look to the Lord as they ought.”  For them endurance meant just waiting it out until things improved, whining and complaining about every little piece of sand that got into their shoe.  That is why we see such a resistance from them regarding the boat.  That boat represented what they least wanted more trial and more suffering.  Bountiful was good enough for them, there was no reason to pack the bags for the land of promise if it required even the smallest of sacrifices.  It is a wonder that the Lord didn’t just leave them there.  What we learn from Laman and Lemuel is quite simple, trials will come, the rains will descend and the winds will blow and the floods will come, but in the end blaming the rain and the wind and flood for the fall of your house and then returning to build it on the sand is a very futile effort and will leave you bitter, angry and only complaining about how unfair life is that you can’t build your house on the sand. 

So what do we learn from all of this that is helpful to mental illness and the trials of life.

1)      Endurance is a learned process and it takes time and trials to learn the necessary skills to endure it well.  It does not come upon all at once and it takes effort, time and help from the Lord to learn to endure.

2)      There is great value in trials if they are endured well and we learn to build on the rock otherwise it’s just another flooded and ruined house. There is no possible way to endure it well without the Lord.

3)      Endurance is not simply waiting for the trial to end, complaining about how difficult it is to endure.  Endurance in the Lord’s perspective is not to simply get through it any way you can and then complain about it.  Endurance is a learning experience one in which we get to act not be acted upon.

4)      Understanding if you have endured it well often does not come about until after the trial.  Endurance is more often a future perspective looking back at the past.

5)      There is no requirement that we have to ignore our problems, masking them as it were, going about our business as if nothing is wrong in our lives.  And we should certainly take initiative, to help ourselves as did Nephi with making the bow.  The Lord really expects that we do our part.

6)      We are going to struggle mightily at times and cry out for help just as Joseph Smith did.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so.  When we approach the Lord to understand our trial and to obtain some relief, understand that is exactly what the Lord desires us to do.

7)      We do not have to understand our trials to endure them well.  Often we cannot see the destination, purpose or design as we suffer through the heat and misery of a terrible journey in a desert.  Sure it is helpful but in some cases not all that valuable.  Even if I fully understand why I pass through terrible illnesses, depressions, anxieties, in the heat of the moment those rational understandings are not likely to quell the deep emotional yearnings for relief, the dark moments, the horrible frustrations.  Rational thought has never brought me out of a depression or my anxious moments, but the Lord can provide emotional relief if we ask.  So while we may or may not understand the why, we can know the Lord does and that he will provide relief for us as he views how best to administer it.

8)      Enduring it well does not mean that we have to put on a happy countenance and mask our emotional state.  But it does mean that we avoid complaint and the poor pitiful me syndrome.

9)      Enduring it well simply means that we pass through the experience doing our best with the Savior at our side, asking for understanding and accepting what he gives not rejecting him like some type of selfish tantrum that will get the Lord to respond the way we want.

10)   Enduring it well is not easy to do.  That is why it is part of the commandments.  It is a long-game learning process and it is OK to make mistakes, learn, try, ask, feel and work.  Sometimes you are going to have to step into the dark with the assurance of the Lord that the path you are seeking is under your foot.

In the end, trials do pass and the peace that surpasses all understand comes to us as we recognize just how valuable our trials have been to us. I am going to end today with something Elder Holland has said.  “You are doing better than you think you are.”  I will add to that likely far better.  Mental illness and its counterpart long-term physical illness are some of the most difficult trials in life reserved for those whose glory lies far beyond this life.  Today I emphatically end with what I always do. Do your part so that the Lord can do his.  Until next week.