Episode #239 - How Do I Know?

The path of the disciple is marked by our relationship with the Savior.  Often we look for the divinely appointed steps of exaltation, thinking that all must be revealed to us as we walk the path.  The truth is that beyond the revelation we know to be revelation exists a strong undercurrent of revelation that we don't see keeping us moving ever forward on the path.  The Lord can do a great deal of directing and guiding through small and simple means that we do not see or recognize.

Transcript

Episode #239 – How Do I Know? I am your host Damon Socha.  Today, I am answering a question from the comment section of my podcast hosting site.  Several sites have this option and I attempt to view as many as possible.  The question comes from my most recent podcast about discipleship.  Here is the question.

“How do we know what direction to go when we don't trust our instincts anymore? Following the Lord's path isn't always the most clear direction.”

First of all I very much appreciate questions and this one is a good one.  I hope that the author of the question doesn’t mind I am going to adjust some of the language to better suit what I personally have found to be true as far as revelation.  So I am going to change instincts to emotions because it helps to clarify that it is our emotions that provide for revelation and the motivation to accomplish that revelation.  Probably a nuance but it helps me to think about the entire spectrum of emotions we experience when interacting with the Spirit of the Lord.  Second, I read the next sentence to mean that “following the Lord’s path” is a very broad statement that really doesn’t provide clear direction as to what we need to do as individuals.  Hopefully I got that right.

I think I could state it this way.  How can I know the path I need to take when I don’t trust my emotions to tell me the truth?  I am going to say that this is the central problem with mental illness when it comes to the gospel.  The gospel is revelation based. Revelations and the motivation to accomplish the revelation is emotions based.  Mental illness causes us to distrust our emotions.  It also causes us to feel a lack of motivation.  So if we can’t trust our emotions, how can we trust our personal revelation?  If we can’t trust our personal revelation, we can’t know the path.

Actually, if you really think about it this is the central difficulty with the gospel for almost every person.  How do you really know when God is talking to you?  We who suffer with mental illness are just far more acutely aware of our emotions.  We are also aware that emotions can be influenced by outside and inside factors causing us to feel that which is not real.  We have experience that tells us our emotions generally cannot be trusted.  In many ways the answer to the question about mistrust deals with our ability to recognize that our emotions do not always represent our reality.  We who suffer have an advantage over others who do not because we understand that our emotional system can be broken just like any other part of the body.  The first answer to the question is knowing that your emotions cannot be entirely trusted.  

The second answer to that question is that the Father and the Savior know that you have great difficulty trusting your emotions.  They fully understand your situation.  They know that they could not expect you to hear a soft whisper of a voice under the rock concert that is your emotional state.  This means that your answers will not come in the usual manner.  The Lord knows that emotional whispers and soft voices may not be what you need.  However, he does find ways to communicate outside of the normal spiritual radio channels.  Now before I get to those methods, it is important to remember that the spiritual frequency is always there.  We may not be able to hear it but the spirit doesn’t leave us because we have mental illness.  He is still there and always will be.  That is actually important when it comes to guidance on the Lord’s path for us.

The answers that I am now about to give come from my own experience.  I do not expect that these are the only ways the Lord communicates to those who suffer with mental illness.  It may be that there are ways you feel work for you.  That is the real key.  To find out how the Lord communicates to you.

My first personal answer to this question is to broaden your horizon as to how the Lord can communicate with you.  This was eye-opening to me when I began to broaden how the Lord communicated to me.  For instance, we often think that we need ask and be answered during our prayers.  While I do get a few answers during my prayers I most often do not get my answers during prayers.  I ask the question to the Lord and then wait for the answer to come.  I have found that my answers come in a variety of ways.  Most often for me, I know that my answer is correct when the answer comes out of the blue.  I was not thinking about it or even in the same ballpark.  The answer just appears in my mind.  Once it does it often comes with a short confirmation.  Now when I say that the answer appears in my mind I mean a few different things.  The answer could just literally appear in my mind.  I had this occur just the other day.  The answer could also appear in a Facebook post; in the scriptures; in something someone says.  For me, these answers tend to appear when I am not thinking about the problem and the Lord also lights up the phrase for me that I need to see or hear.  Not sure that I can fully explain what this means but for me it is similar to highlighting a scripture verse.  I can almost feel the words being spoken to me differently. 

In addition to this spiritual highlighting method, the Lord will often repeat revelation to me knowing that mental illness will often remove my desire to act and the confirming feeling.  I know that one of the more difficult problems with revelation under the difficulties of mental illness is doubt and I know just how quickly that doubt can come after revelation.  I could know that something was true one moment and 30 minutes later I would have doubts.  So the Lord has been merciful in many instances to repeat revelation.

It is also very important to understand that the Lord can work within our illness to accomplish his purposes.  The Lord knows how you think and feel and what you will choose while under the influence of mental illness symptoms.  He can use what you feel to direct you without any confirmation or revelation.  This is a silent revelation that often goes unnoticed for most of us.  This is part of the small and simple ways the Lord uses to direct our lives.  It is part of the grace he gives us.  Many times when we suffer, the Lord directs our lives under the radar through the emotions that we experience and the lives of others.  This is true for everyone, especially those who suffer.  I always refer to a revelation from the Doctrine and Covenants when I think about the spiritual undercurrent in our lives that directs our paths.  The revelation was directed to Oliver Cowdery who was directed to Joseph Smith without seemingly knowing that he was. Section 6:14-15.  Listen to what the Lord tells Oliver about this undercurrent that directs our lives.

14 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast inquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time.

15 Behold, thou knowest that thou hast inquired of me and I did enlighten thy mind; and now I tell thee these things that thou mayest know that thou hast been enlightened by the Spirit of truth;

If you read a little between the lines, you can see that Oliver was not aware that the Lord had been directing his life and had been giving him revelation.  The Lord had to tell him that it was the Lord directing his life to Joseph.  I believe this to be true for anyone who is trying to live the gospel.  The Lord can direct the current of our lives without us even fully recognizing it.  When I look back into my life, I see this current everywhere and perhaps it is more powerful in directing my life that the revelations I know are revelations.  We are often so concerned about knowing every step in the process that we don’t feel the current moving us toward our goal.  In the case of mental illness, I believe that the Lord gives a bountiful undercurrent to help us direct our lives.  I believe if you ask, the Lord can show you much of that undercurrent and I believe that you might be amazed at its direction and force in your life.

In my life, one of the main sources of inspiration has been counseling with individuals I trust about my decisions.  So often the Lord can work through them to help us make those tough decisions in our lives.  Others can help us confirm what we have felt to be true.  They can help us see things we don’t.  They can be a great source of confirmation and additional motivation when ours starts to wain.

Finally, it is important to remember that a good thought is never from Lucifer.  I remember a story where a neighbor to one of the prophets had brought him a tie.  Thinking that perhaps he had many ties and that he probably didn’t need this one, she began to turn around on the door step.  The prophets wife stopped her on the doorstep and asked about the gift.  She stumbled a little about the tie and thinking about the president.  The prophet’s wife said. Don’t ever suppress a good thought.  When we feel to do good, it is the Lord and we should need to question what we are doing or whether we were inspired.

Now beyond the idea that we cannot trust our emotions, there is something deeper and more difficult to resolve that we must work to overcome.  That is the idea and feeling of trust.  When we don’t trust our feelings, that mistrust can extend deeper into our lives.  We can suffer from a mistrust syndrome that permeates our relationships and social interactions.  When we doubt ourselves it can feel impossible to fully trust others and their intentions.  This often causes us to seek out few relationships and have few social connections.  A secondary affect of our illness is often our inability to exert effort in developing and maintaining our close relationships.  This too often causes our social circle to be small and even at times underdeveloped.  While we need these relationships for support, our illness tends to cause us to distance ourselves from more than just a handful of individuals who really know us.  While this is problematic and certainly something we need to work on, I have found that trust in a Savior and Heavenly Father can be at times altered by our illness.  It is not that we do not trust or that we do not have a relationship.  It is that we feel doubt towards that relationship because our emotions so often do not emulate the love within the relationship.  Simply put when we feel depressed, anxious, burdened by negative emotions, we deeply struggle to feel the love expressed by the Savior in our relationship.  When we cannot feel that love, we can feel as though the relationship has dissipated.  The love remains as the undercurrent directing our lives.

When I think about the path of the disciple, I try to remember two things.  The power of the undercurrent in our lives.  That the Lord can direct our lives in the path without our direct knowledge.  And second that the Lord knows us.  Even when we make a poor choice, he can redirect the path and even cover over our error as though it never occurred.  He knows how best to direct us.  While we need to seek out how he communicates with us, he will continue to direct us as we put forth our efforts to live the gospel.  If we desire to become as he is and we do our best, we will find ourselves walking the path at his direction.  I sincerely hope that I have provided some answers to this question.  It is not an easy question to answer given that the Lord works very individually with each of his children and their trials.  But what I do know by experience is that he works in the details of our lives and is always directing us for good.  We are never really alone, even though our illness may cause us to feel very isolated.  May the Lord bless you in your mortal quest.  Until next week, do your part so that the Lord can do his.