Episode #225 - Love Me

We all wonder at times whether the Lord loves us.  We wonder if our relationship is growing.  Many times we desperately seek and hope to feel that love.  I hope this message helps you to see just how loved you are.

Transcript

Episode #225 – Love Me.  I hope today that you will forgive me for expanding a New Testament story beyond the original text.  I hope that you will find inspiration in its message.

He had been fishing all night and he had caught nothing.  He was an experienced fishermen and he knew this place well.  It was his favorite spot.  He knew that he could always catch at least a few here.  And he had casted and casted but nothing.  His catch was as discouraging as his life.  He had tried to sleep when he had first found that the night would not be a fruitful one.  It was no use.  The last few years had been running again and again through his mind.  The last few days more especially.  The casting at least kept him occupied.  It had always helped him think.  But each cast this night seemed to echo with deep emotion.  It was just a few days since the Savior had been murdered and then resurrected.  He had been a witness to it all, and parts of it had been wonderful.  But his mind could not forget that night when his master had washed his feet and then he had said those awful words, I know not the man.  Those words echoed in his ears drowning out any comfort.  Why had he done it?  Why had he said that he didn’t know him?  Why had he so quickly turned?  Yes his intent was just to be where the Savior was.  To see the proceedings. To know what would happen to him.  He did it without thinking about what he had been called to do.  He did it so quickly.  So easily.  Even when the Savior had warned him.  He was certainly a witness but the Lord could not possibly use him now.  He was too weak, too quick to act.  To slow to think through things.  After those wonderful events and the resurrection, he had only seen him a couple of times.  They had not spoken of it.  Maybe he would choose another.  Afterall John and James had certainly not denied him.  

That made his heart feel lighter but overall it didn’t help.  He was lost, out on a lake doing the only thing he ever knew how to do.  He wanted to talk to the Savior.  He wanted to ask him.  He wanted to be with him, just to see if his friend would at least forgive him.  But his prayers had been futile.  He had only felt lost.  Finally the morning light came.  Those first rays of light that obscure the stars.  He would have to face his wife and tell her that he had caught nothing.  Life was not on his side in seemed.  He wondered if his relationship with the Savior or anyone of the apostles would ever be the same.

As they approached the shore, a fire was burning.  Nothing unusual for this time of year.  The weather was still a little cool.  As they neared, a voice rang out, have you any meat?  Peter wasn’t listening, his mind caught up in caring for the nets.  Cast the net on the right side of the boat and yea will find.  This brought Peter to his feet.  We have been casting all night.  There is no way the fish are this close to shore.  He just about said something but a feeling stopped him.  He had not fully put one of the nets away.  Peter without thinking gathered his net and threw it out of the right side of the boat.  We will see if this guy knows what he is talking about.  When it comes in empty I’ll show him.  Then the line tugged.  And then it jerked.  Suddenly, Peter was on his back side trying to haul in the load of fish.  One that was rare this time of year.  He called for the other boats and started to empty the nets into the boat, almost incredulous.  And then there was John standing still watching the man on shore.  Peter looked up at him as if to say why aren’t you helping man.  But John stood silent.  What John? What is it?

John didn’t move.  Didn’t turn to Peter.  He just said, “It is the Lord.”  It was then he recognized the voice. Peter let go the line and the net.  He stood and with one movement he tossed himself into the ocean and swam to the Lord.  The sopping wet Peter reached the Savior and knelt at his feet.  Peter didn’t know what to say.  So many things flooded his mind and heart.  The one question he wanted to ask, he couldn’t.  The Savior gently lifted him to his feet and embraced him.  The warmth flowed through him as he had never felt it before.  It was peace, it was joy, it was light.  He wanted so badly to ask his questions but the light, the feeling wouldn’t allow him.  Before he had recovered his fellow apostles stood with him.  They were conversing hugging and laughing about the catch and their terrible night.

And with that the opportunity was gone.  They walked towards the fire to warm themselves and there was fish and honeycomb prepared for each of them.  Peter lingered a little behind, somewhat content hearing the Lord talk with his fellow friends.  The Savior invited them to sit and with prayer the meal began.  The catch was the obvious topic.  No doubt they compared it to three years earlier when the Savior had done almost the exact same thing.  It was as though he was with them again, just like when they had labored together.  Peter didn’t interact much and took his share of elbows and ribbing about his “never fail” fishing spot.

The conversation eventually lagged and Peter sitting near the Savior felt him turn towards him and gently ask.  Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these?  Peter could see him pointing towards the pile of fish they had caught.  This hurt.  The Savior knew how to get to the point.  The Savior knew that Peter loved him.  Here he was fishing again.  He didn’t feel worthy although he knew what he needed to do.  The Savior had made that perfectly clear before his death.  He knew that the Savior wanted him to lead the church.  But this was before he had denied him.  How could he lead the church now?  How could a man serve at the head of the church when he had denied its head during the atoning sacrifice?  He didn’t feel worthy.  He didn’t feel that he could.  But he could not deny that he loved the Lord more than fishing.  “Yeah Lord, thou knowest that I love thee” came from his mouth.  But it rang hollow.  It rang like the Pharisee the night the Savior was condemned.  He loved the Lord but did not know if the Lord could love him.  Then came those words like a bolt of lightening with a deafening thunder.  “Feed my lambs.”

Had he heard him right.  “Feed my lambs.”  What did this mean?  Did it mean that he was to still lead the church, but how can that be.  Why would he still be called.  Why would the Lord still love him?  Why continued to ring in his head.

Then came that voice again, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest though me?  The same question but different.  He had not pointed at the fish.  Why would he ask it again?  What did he want?  What was his purpose?  He knew what I had done.  He knows that I don’t feel worthy.  I don’t feel capable.  He knows my weaknesses.  Why would he ask me?  The second question hung in the air.  “Yeah Lord thou knowest that I love thee.”  This time it rang out more true.  He had expressed his love.  Although he was still unsure if the Savior still wanted him.  “Feed my sheep.”  There it was again.  What was he trying to say?  What was he trying to communicate.  Could he still want me to be part of his leadership?  Could he forgive my weaknesses and my denial?  Peter was now full engulfed in his thoughts.  Then those words rang out one more time.  Simon, son of Jonas, lovest though me?  

This time the words penetrated deeply within him.  He did love the Lord with all his heart.  He did love the gospel he taught.  He was willing to do whatever the Lord asked.  He could feel the forgiveness and the peace.  Then those words rang deep within him, he was still called.  He was still chosen to lead, despite his inadequacies and his weak moments.  With tears in his eyes and a full heart, And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee.  This time the words rang sweet to his mind.  “Feed my sheep.”  He knew now.  He knew what he was to do.  He had purpose and forgiveness.  He was called and would be called to lead and to follow.  The pains of nights past was gone.  He had been freed from his torment with three words.  Feed my sheep.

I love this story about Peter.  Did it happen this way? Who knows.  But we do know that Peter was wrestling with his past and his future.  He wondered if the Lord still loved him and wanted him to lead the church.  That moment changed millions of lives and not just during Peter’s ministry but for ages.  However, what I love most about this moment is the intimacy with which the Savior approached Peter and allowed him to discover for himself just how much he truly loved him.

One of the more difficult objectives to accomplish in this life is to understand our relationship with the Savior.  How many of us would love to sit beside him and hear even the same words given to Peter?  Lovest thou me.  Just like Peter I am most certain we would search deeply in our minds and hearts wondering how much we are willing to suffer for him.  We wonder if he could ever use us in any capacity with our weaknesses mental and emotional.  We wonder if we could ever be worthy to serve again.  We wonder if at times he even cares for us.  Just like that night of darkness for Peter, we often find ourselves wrestling with difficult questions because we suffer with mental and emotional illness.  And just like Peter we have doubted the Lord in difficult moments.  We have at times lost our way and our path.  And yet it seems that the Savior is ever willing to come to our shore, a place of comfort for us, a place where we feel at home.  He is willing to feed us, and sit with us a while and when our mind and heart is ready he will ask us those questions that will change our lives for eternity.  We just need to get through the fruitless night and difficult empty nets.

Many of you question your relationship with the Savior and his relationship with you.  I know this because it has been a reoccurring theme in my life and with my mental illness.  I can tell you that your relationship is far more embedded and far deeper than you know.  The Savior has been building an abiding love with you for many years through your illness.  And yes the illness robs you of those feelings but that doesn’t diminish the relationship.  In fact, with time the relationship deeps and widens.  When we suffer he does not leave our side even if it feels that way.  It makes no sense to give such a difficult trial and not provide the guidance, love and concern necessary to get us to the other side of it safely.  And so he walks beside you when you can’t feel him.  He listens and answers your prayers when the voices are too loud to hear him.  He knows how you feel and the pain and suffering you are experiencing.  He knows you.  And I know that he loves you deeply.  I promise that he can and will show you that love.  One simply needs to ask it of him.  And like that moment for Peter on the shores of a lake, he will come to you and you will know him.  May the Lord bless you this week to ask of him and to feel of his love.  Until next week, do your part so that the Lord can do his.